The Butt Of The Joke
by leoslady4ever
Summary: Spend an afternoon with Lucy and Cana as they admire the assets in Fairy Tail. Collaboration with Nicole4211. (Rated M for language)


_And **Nicole4211** and I are back with another silly thing for you guys. Hope you enjoy - we sure had a blast with it :D_

* * *

**_Hiro Mashima _**_owns Fairy Tail._

* * *

**THE BUTT OF THE JOKE**

"Yo Lucy! Did you see Gajeel's ass today in those jeans?"

Lucy fanned herself with one hand and blew out a ragged breath before answering. "God yes...just about drooled all over myself."

Cana laughed and slid into the seat opposite Lucy. "It's a shame most of the men around here wear such baggy ass pants."

"Yeah really," the blonde agreed, then added with a sly grin, "Unless they go shirtless and the pants hang really low."

"Oh I love that!" Cana exclaimed, a wide grin spreading over her face. "Especially when you can see that V of muscle and your eyes just can't help but follow it all the way beneath the pants."

Lucy hummed with interest. "Mhmm...and the happy trail! God, I love when a guy has the happy trail. I just wanna lick my way all the way down."

"Speaking of... have you seen Gray's happy trail? I wonder if it would be cold against my lips?"

"Seen his happy trail? I've seen his whole damn package!" Lucy fired back, wagging her eyebrows at her friend.

"Pfft, who hasn't?" Cana commented and then leaned forward in her seat. Her eyes strayed around the room, checking to make sure no one could overhear and then said quietly, "I did happen to catch a glimpse of Lyon's though."

The blonde's eyes widened, and she grinned, moving closer herself. "Don't just leave it like that! Dish the dirt! Is he hung or what?"

Cana grinned wickedly. "Those ice sculptures at the festival have nothing on him," she said and then winked as she leaned back in her seat.

A peel of laughter left Lucy's mouth at Cana's response, then she sighed dreamily. "God, I wish he stripped more."

"Stripped off more clothes? Or stripped more often?" the brunette asked with a giggle.

"Both!"

The two girls cracked up, their laughter ringing out around the room and earning them several curious glances.

"Oh wow... and there goes another great ass. Did you see that?" Cana asked, nodding towards Alzack as he strode by.

Lucy sighed, dropping her chin into her hand as she watched his back side. "Such a shame Bisca already scooped him up."

Cana nodded in agreement and then complained, "It was totally unfair too. We were stuck out on the island. We didn't even get a chance."

"Yeah..." the blonde muttered. "Lucky bitch."

"Hey Luce!" Natsu's voice called out as the door to the guild slammed open. Lucy waved as the pink haired mage approached and took a seat in front of the girls.

Offering the brunette a quick greeting, Natsu turned back to his partner. "Have you seen Happy? I can't find him anywhere."

Lucy motioned towards the back door with a nod of her head. "He went out back with Wendy and Charle."

"Thanks Luce!"

His words were a distant call as he was already heading off in the direction she'd indicated. The blonde shook her head in amusement before looking back at her friend with a grin. "Always love watching him go. Just wish he'd move a little slower."

"Who? Natsu?" Cana asked incredulously, her brow arched in confusion.

Lucy laughed as she took a sip from her mug. "Yes Natsu. I got a good look at his bare ass back at some hot springs once. Never knew he had an ass like that till then."

"Really?" Cana said, contemplating Natsu' retreating figure with a tilt of her head. "Damn those baggy pants!"

Laughing once more, Lucy leaned in, her head turning to nod in the direction of the Raijinshuu. "Okay, call me crazy, but I think Bickslow has a great ass." Seeing Cana's wide eyes, the blonde added, "I know it's hard to see with all that mess he usually wears, but when he bends over..."

Suddenly a whirring sound hummed above the girls heads and they both turned their eyes up at once, gasping when they saw several of the Seith Mage's babies.

"Oh shit," Lucy mumbled as the wooden totem began a loud chorus of "Bickslow! Bickslow!" An instant later, another piped in. "Great ass! Great ass!" A third further cemented their demise with, "Bends over! Bends over!"

Much to the pairs horror, nearly every eye in the guild turned towards them, even a pair that were shielded by a metal visor. The helmet was slowly lifted from Bickslow's face and a huge grin stretched across it.

The two women watched in silence as he strolled over to their table, his smirk firmly in place. "Somebody been checkin' out my ass?"

Cana and Lucy glanced at each other before studiously refuting the accusation, earning them a knowing look from the Seith Mage parked next to them. "My babies never lie."

Cana nervously bit at her lip and then silently pointed towards Lucy who was still waving her hands at Bickslow in denial.

"Should have known it was the Cosplayer," Bickslow said with the ever present echo following.

"Cana!" Lucy shouted, shooting a look of disbelief at her friend.

The other woman shrugged, appearing not even the least bit ashamed of her actions. "What? You were the one that said it."

Not one to be outdone, Lucy opened her mouth and said, "Well Cana said Gray had a nice happy trail."

Bickslow's brows winged up, and Cana's jaw dropped almost comically as the ice mage moved closer. He grinned at what his team mate had said and reached up to tug his shirt off. "You mean this?" he asked, rubbing his hand slowly down the thin line of hair.

Cana gaped at the man, then rounded on Lucy. To the blonde's chagrin, her brunette friend had decided to up the ante. "Well, Lucy said she was scoping Natsu's naked ass at the hot springs!"

Lucy gasped, her hands flying up to cover her mouth. She couldn't believe Cana told that! Her face flamed and then, just when she thought it couldn't get any worse, an all too familiar voice spoke up.

"Do you want to see me naked Luce?" Natsu asked, his hand starting to work on the fastenings of his pants.

Bickslow frowned, rushing to yell at the fire slayer. "Don't take your pecker out here!"

At that same moment, Natsu added, "I'll get naked if you do!"

This sent Bickslow backtracking with a quick, "Nevermind!"

A groan spilled from Lucy's mouth as she let her head drop to the table. It came up again fast though, and she threw a finger out at the other woman. "Well, she said she was spying on Lyon's...on his..." Her cheeks went bright red, but she was determined to get this out. "On his dick!"

The guild erupted in noise, some people laughing so hard they were nearly falling off their seats. And others gasping so loudly that Lucy was afraid the oxygen level in the place was going to dip dangerously low.

But there wasn't time for Lucy to focus on any of that with Cana standing up and leaning over the table. "Well, I wasn't the one that was drooling over Gajeel's ass!"

"Yes you were! You were the one that started this all!" Lucy argued, standing up as well.

Suddenly, a chair scraped back, and both girls turned to find Gajeel moving toward them, a proud smirk on his face. "You hear that guys? My ass started it all. Guess that means mine's the best."


End file.
